Cogito Patris

Random Thoughts for Random People

Adventures in Blogging…or “The Downfall of the Working Day Dad”

This is my second attempt at writing a blog.  I ended the previous blog project after I realized I was a fraud.

I was writing a blog called “Working Day Dad” in which I was discussing the challenges of balance work with family.  It is an important subject and certainly worthy of another blog.  The problem is that I was not successful at balancing my life.

I was frustrated at work for many reasons:

  •  My Work didn’t really mean anything.  I am a QA analyst.  I am supposed to check software for defects before it is deployed in to a production environment.  However, no matter what I found, the software was ALWAYS deployed on time because the VP who made the decision got a bosu if the software deployed on time…even if the system was worse than what was in place previously.  Ever feel like you are screaming at the top of your lungs at a group of people with severe hearing loss (If not Dain Bramage)?
  • We had long periods of time when there was no work to do.  We were not provided the requirements until after the software was delivered (don’t ask why, I don’t know).  Do you know how hard it is to waist 8 hours at work with nothing to do? 
  • Because of my own perfectionist attitude I would set my own goals…after all, I still had my integrity.  Unfortunately because of late delivery by a vendor, I was not accomplishing many of the goals I had set for myself.
  • After a year of doing this, I started to set my own expectations lower and lower.  Eventually I stopped caring entirely…my integrity crushed like a milk carton from a preschool in a garbage truck. I was working only for a paycheck.  I dislike cliches in general, but I do believe that if you can get paid for doing something you enjoy you won’t work a day in your life.  My that definition, though I wasn’t actively busy, I was working hard.

Added to that list my personal challenges:

  • My wife and I were increasing debt rather than expanding our nest egg (and this was before the addition of another mouth to feed). 
  • When I did get home I was often times emotional and didn’t really feel like playing with the kids or making dinner.
  • Both my wife and I were suffering from post partum depression (yes, dads get it too…though it is less frequent and more difficult to diagnose because of social pressures for the man to remain stoic.
  • Although I was only working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I didn’t have time (or inclination) to exercise.

Since ending the “Working Day Dad” blog I have changed jobs to a position that gives me some more achievable goals and will postpone a software delivery if there is a show-stopping issue.  This is a step in the right direction, but I am working longer hours and have a longer commute.

When I decided to start a new blog I made a conscious decision not to resurrect the “Working Day Dad”.  Partially because I would still feel like a fraud, but also because I didn’t want to pigeonhole myself to a label.

 This is the result…hopefully  don’t get discouraged again.

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September 27, 2006 - Posted by | Random Thoughts, The Kids

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