Cogito Patris

Random Thoughts for Random People

How to watch a Redskins Game

Those people in the burgundy jerseys are trying to kill me.  They wouldn’t do it outright, because then they would get caught.  Instead, they are playing well enough to give me hope while still making it interesting at the end.  They make mental errors that raise my blood pressure.  They keep the game close so that my heart is racing.  At my weight, that is as good a weapon as any.

But I have tried to fight back with my “Rules for watching the Redskins”.  They are outline below:

1) Don’t.  The easiest way to not get stressed watching a Redskins game is to not watch them.

OK, obviously rule #1 isn’t possible.  If it were, you wouldn’t need these other rules.  So, here are a few more.

2) Watch alone…or at least without the kids and wife.

My wife didn’t exactly lie to me when we were dating, but she let me believe that she likes football.  She does go to JMU games with me, but she doesn’t even like to discuss the Redskins games.  As a result, she usually takes the kids out for the games.  This is a good thing.  I am concerned that I would frighten them with some of my antics.  At the end of the first half of last week’s games I was jumping on the furniture, yelling at the TV and cursing Joe’s good name.  For the record, Antwan Randell El didn’t go out of bounds trying to score. It is debatable as to whether he really had a chance to get in to the end-zone, but he did gain 7 yards  in the red-zone he probably should not have been able to get. Then the “spike the ball” play took too long to set up.  Then there was a delay of game, a false start, the field goal unit was sent on to the field. Then a time out by the Eagles, then another false start, then a touchdown pass that Chris Cooley actually held on to (he dropped a beautiful pass earlier) that all occurred from 38 seconds left to 9 seconds left in the half.

3) Eat obsessively

 Football season is a bad time for my weight.  I love Wings with Blue Cheese and “Chips n Cheese” (Mexican cheese melted over Tostitos) or Salsa & Cheese, or Fried Cheese sticks…pretty much “Cheese” is the important ingredient here.  I have tried to get better, but I haven’t done too well.

4) DVR is a beautiful thing…use it.

I find that if I can skip over the more stressful parts, I am in a better frame of mind during the whole game.  Unfortunately this lead to me missing the injury to Randy Thomas in the last game entirely (his replacement was responsible for both of the false starts mentioned above).  I also start waching after the game has been on for at least an hour.  As a result, I have to ignore my phone until I have finished the game (or answer the phone with “I haven’t seen it yet, what’s up that doesn’t have to do with the game?” rather than the more traditional “Hello”)

5) I am man enough to admit…I knit

Unfortunately I inevitably end up having to watch the last few minutes live.  These being the most stressful, that isn’t so good for my heart.  So the next stratagem I use is distraction.  I will play video games (no Madden, the stupid computer cheats).  Or, I will knit.  My mother taught me to knit last weekend, and I have to say it is pretty relaxing during the games.  It keeps my attention divided so that I am not so focused on the moronic strategy or bad execution (It just doesn’t seem possible to over-throw Santana Moss.  The man can run a moch speeds yet Jason Campbell over threw him by 10 yards when he was wide open!).

Try these methods if you choose, but they haven’t really worked for me.  Does anyone know the number to a good Psychiatric Hospital?

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September 20, 2007 - Posted by | Redskins

3 Comments »

  1. I went to bed at half time. After the fiasco that somehow ended in a touchdown, I just couldn’t watch anymore. Well that and I knew I was getting up early, but still. Sheesh!

    Comment by Karen | September 20, 2007 | Reply

  2. Knitting? Really? I guess its better than drinking, which I’m sure they’ll drive me too sometime this year.

    Comment by Cory | September 20, 2007 | Reply

  3. Admittedly not the most masculine past time, but it soothes me…and I get a comphy and pretty scarf when I’m done. 🙂

    Comment by m2morgan64 | September 20, 2007 | Reply


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