Cogito Patris

Random Thoughts for Random People


Growing up, I never had a nickname, unless you count the monosyllabic “Matt” compared to the disyllabic “Matthew”.  In college, my friends tried to give me a clever nickname. 

My future wife had many nicknames from college.  We even assigned different aspects of her personality to different nicknames.  All of her nicknames stemmed from the fact that we talked about “angles” a lot in class.  Invariably one of our professors would write “Angel” up on the board at some time during the year.  So, Angel’s first nickname was “Angle”.  And, the natural pun followed…she is acute Angle.  The next nickname she received came from the Greek symbols that are most commonly used for angles.  Theta and alpha.  Theta was Angel’s geek side.  Alpha was her aggressive side.  The alpha symbol that is actually used is the lower-cased alpha which looks a little like a Jesus fish. So, another nickname was invented: Fithy.  Fithy was Angel’s flirtatious side. 

Meanwhile, I was just “Matt”.

My first nickname came at work.  I was given the nickname of “Magic Matt” by a coworker.  I have to admit to some slight of hand here.  You see, one of my jobs was as a first tier reviewer of defects.  If a defect was caused by an environment issue on the server, then I was responsible for correcting said issue.  For some reason, people would have some trouble reproducing defects in my presence.  But also, I would have people come to me with the same environment issues repeatedly.  So, I developed procedures for correcting them.  When an issue popped up, I would fix it quickly on my computer, then ask them to show me the problem (knowing I had already fixed it).  Before they would show me, I would put both hands on the monitor, and in my best evangelical voice I would say “Be Healed!”  Of course, when they tried to reproduce the issue, it would be fixed.  I think they actually started to think I was magical.

Later, in another job, I got two more nicknames.  Scorsese…because I had the reputation for creating really complicated and entertaining slide show presentations.  And Shakespeare because one of my coworkers thought I had a distinct and pleasant manner of speaking.  Not quite as impressive as “Magic Matt”, but still, I was happy.

Well, the nickname thing has continued.  We hired a nanny last summer for Melody who would call her “Squirt”.  Of course, it caught on.  Melody is also known as the “Two-Legged Princess”, “Trouble”, “Mel”, “Melly” and “Melly the Martian”.  The last one is when she wears pigtails and they stick up slightly.  Especially if she happens to be wearing green.  Angel doesn’t like it when I call her that though.

Mel in Pigtails

Dante hasn’t been spared from the nickname parade either.  He is known as “D”, “Little D”, “Dude”, “Buddy”, “Jumping Bean” and “Mini-Matt”.  Mini-Matt is because there is apparently a similarity between myself and my son.  Except he is cute, and I am not.

Matt and Mini-Matt

Yes, that is a Christmas Tree in the background. Yes my son and I are wearing matching Hawaiian shirts…I don’t see a problem here.

Even the dogs are not spared. 

Peanut is referred to as “Pea”, “Princess Pea”, “The Four-Legged Princess”, “Tummy Girl”, “Cory’s Girlfriend” and “Baby Girl”.

Sparky is “Sparkles” (especially when licking up a mess made by the kids and their dinner), “The Sparkinator”, “Food Monger”, “Mr. Floppy Tail”, “Ada Barkinator” (in a sing-song fashion), and “The Little Butt” (A misunderstanding.  When he was a puppy and still to small to get up on the couch my wife picked him up and said something along the lines of “Oh aren’t you just a little mutt”.  I misunderstood and another nickname was added to the list.

Honeybear is “The Brat”, “The oofer” (He doesn’t pronounce his W’s), “Plushy”, “The Not-So-Little Ball of Fur”, “Muddy-Bear”, “Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go Right Now, Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go” (Like a commercial for adult diapers from around the time he was born, but applied to him because of his tendency to walk really fast, like he is always late).

Sasha is the “Gremlin”, “Asasasa”, “Saaaashaaaa” (In a whisper similar to Harry Potter when he speaks to snakes), “The Tongue” and “Stop Licking Me”.

Even our vehicles have not been spared.  My first car, a Red 1984 Honda Prelude was first named “Klann” (pronounced “Klaun”) after my Father’s company…and the first place I drove after getting the vehicle.  Then named “Fireball” after he was unjustly dismissed.  Then came “Snowball”, a white 1998 Honda Civic.  Then came Thomas, the Blue Subaru station wagon. And finally my 1998 Dodge Durango which was named “Later” because I kept referring to “him” as “The Durango to be named later” (similar to “The artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as ‘Prince'”).  We had a Saturn Ion which never got named…granted we only had it for three months.  I also had an old 1988 Nissan 200SX which never got a name, but should have been called “the Money Pit”.  Now we have had my wife’s Dodge Grand Caravan for almost four years now, and we still don’t have a name.  The closest we have come is “The Home Away from Home” and “The Camper”.

Nicknames are constantly being added to our list.  I like them partially because they remind me of where I was and what I was doing when the nickname was first used…even if it isn’t my nickname. 


Gratuitous picture of the kids…BTW, the duck still doesn’t have a name:

Matt, Dante, Melody and the Giant Duck



March 5, 2008 - Posted by | Matt & Angel, The Kids

1 Comment »

  1. Oooh, the cuteness!

    Did you hear? I’m coming to visit!!! YAY!

    Comment by Karen | March 7, 2008 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: