Cogito Patris

Random Thoughts for Random People

Messing with Telemarketers

Like many Americans, I get calls way to frequently from telemarketers.  I have tried many things to satisfy my irritation at these calls:

1) Yell “Stop Calling Me” and hang up.

  Pros:

      I feel better

  Cons:

      It doesn’t work, they just call back.

2) Leave the phone off the hook after they call

  Pros:

      It wastes their time, not mine

      They get to listen to “Pinky Dinky Do” or whatever else my kids are watching on TV

  Cons:

      It still doesn’t work, they just call back.

      When a computer calls, it doesn’t care that I waste it’s time.

3) Give the phone to my 3 year old autistic son.

  Pros:

       I can only immagine what they are thinking when he says “gooda gooda gooda gi”

  Cons:

       I doubt they stay on the phone for long

      They call back

But I think I finally figured out something that I enjoy, assuming I have time for it.  The trick is, if a computer calls, I have to listen to it long enough to get to talk to a real person.  But it works so much better.  The following is an approximate transcript between myself and a telemarketer with a heavy Asian Indian accent:

Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak with Mr or Mrs Morgan?

Me: Yes

T: My name is Jason and I am calling from the Dish Network.  May I ask what service you are using for your TV? Is it cable or satellite?

My Thoughts: (“Jason”? doubt it. I don’t know many Asian Indians named “Jason”)

Me: (Silence)

T: Hello?

Me: (Silence)

T: Mr. Morgan, are you there?

Me: Yes

T: Hello, my name is Jason and I am calling from the Dish Network.  May I ask what service you are using for your TV?  Is it cable or satellite?

Me: (Silence)

T: Hello?

Me: (Silence)

T: Mr. Morgan, are you there?

Me: Yes

T: Hello, my name is Jason and I am calling from the Dish Network.  May I ask what service you are using for your TV?  Is it cable or satellite?

Me: (Silence)

T: Hello?

Me: (Silence)

T: Mr. Morgan, are you there?

Me: Yes

T: Hello, my name is Jason and I am calling from the Dish Network.  May I ask what service you are using for your TV?  Is it cable or satellite?

Me: (Silence)

T: (Hangs Up)

I have decided to try to get telemarketers to hang up on me as often as possible.  If I see something that works, I will post it here.  This was effective, but it took a long time.  I tried it again for someone from DirecTV (I have DirecTV, so I’m not sure why they were calling me).  It took 12 minutes for her to give up.

January 18, 2008 Posted by | Telemarketers | Leave a comment